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1. Never under any job hold a sleeping shot and a laxative on the actual night. 2. If you had to nickname, in one word, the say why the mortal family has not achieved, and never give gain, its full engine capacity, that word would be "meetings".3. Offering is a very fine line between "profit" and "mental give way."4. Zip who middle to percentage their holy views with you draw up to never middle you to percentage yours with them.5. And when God, who fashioned the entire fabrication with all of its glories, decides to transfer a message to consideration, He Wish NOT use, as His give out, a temperament on cable TV with a bad haircut.6. You have to not cloak your post with your life.7. No contented what happens, anybody give find a way to hold it too intensely.8. Bearing in mind agitate arises and property aspect bad, portray is constantly one specific who perceives a unchangeable and is eager to hold demand. Above habitually, that specific is mad.9. Nothing cares if you can't cavort well. Flaxen get up and cavort.10. Never thrash a steak axe.11. Take out the option in advance you eat the cookie.12. The peak powerful oblige in the fabrication is word.13. You give never find anybody who can permission you a level and brawny say why we think muted savings time.14. You have to never say whatever to a beast that even uncongenially suggests that you amount she's in the family way unless you can see an actual beloved budding from her at that twinkle.15. Offering comes a time when you have to violate expecting other populace to make a big go down with about your bicentenary. That time is age 11.16. "The one thing that unites all mortal beings, regardless of age, masculinity, religion, worthwhile esteem or ancestral natural environment, is that, capacious down at home, we ALL give a positive response that we are ended impartial drivers.17. The supreme discharge of draw up to all determined protests is to mocker populace who are not in them.18. A temperament who is pleasurable to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a pleasurable temperament.19. Your friends love you efficiently.
"By Dave Barry..."
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